Strong and Lucky

As I flew back to the country I lived more than half of my life in, I was filled with anxiety. I was about to meet people I hadn't met in years and the last time I met them I was still married. Every time I entered a conversation, I always heard these two words describe me. Strong and lucky.

I wasn't built strong, I just had no choice but to be strong. I find the word "strong" empowering, but also exhausting. I don't want to be strong all the time. Once in a while, I'd like to be treated as fragile or even just as any other human and not this superhuman who just "got this". I didn't become this person overnight. It took me years of struggle, pain, suffering, and hell to get here.

Sometimes, this strong mama wants to be weak, to be held, to be hugged, and to put down this heavy shield. People often forget that I am human too.

The expectation that I will overcome any hurdle is so high that my struggles are almost glorified. My anxieties and worries would be met with responses like "But you got this. You have gone through worse. Hey, you can go through anything and come out the other side."

When you see someone you think is strong, stop and ask them "How you are doing? How are you feeling?" I am fortunate to have a supportive mother and sister who have become my backbone. But luck played no part in that. Every family should support their children's choices. In the end, what matters is their happiness.

I do not associate myself with the word lucky. Man, if someone sat and heard what I've been through, it'd safe to say lady luck hasn't been by my side, especially when it comes to health and love. 

The fact that I managed to escape my situation wasn't a stroke of luck. I chose it.

By - Divya Idnani

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